Boundaries for Brides

Congratulations! You are getting married.

You are excited and happily looking forward to your magical moment when you say, “I do” and are wrapped in a loving embrace of affection. The wedding is beautiful and each participant is enjoying their role and truly excited to be a part of your special day.

There is a lot of planning, patience, and people needed to make this happen. Many who have walked down the aisle can relate to feelings of being overwhelmed, stressed, not having enough time, and worried about offending relatives and guests. Brides preparing for this
wonderful role can fall into the same cycle. However, you can not only get “through this” but genuinely enjoy the process and the people and stay present in each moment.

Trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings, finding time to take care of all the special details, and maintaining relationships with your spouse to be and extended family members sounds like a lot. Of course, through all of this, you need to be taking good care of your health and well-being and keeping an eye on spending. Whew!

How can you pull all this off and keep your cool?

The solution is simple. You can stay calm, keep hurt feelings to a minimum, have time for self-care, maintain relationships, and stay within your budget by setting boundaries. Many not only walk down the aisle but spend their whole life without setting personal standards
and boundaries. Those that do have well-placed borders and lines are able to keep stress down, enjoy the moments, and experience the thrill of their wedding and life. It is my intention to help you clarify your values so you can enjoy a fun fulfilling wedding by developing and strengthening your true self. You can take these skills and apply them to
your new relationship as a married couple and carry your healthy habits into all areas of your life.

Not having or adhering to boundaries is a recipe for added stress. By following these guidelines and taking a little time to set meaningful standards and boundaries, you can fully participate in all the wonderful milestones getting married provides.

Let’s start with you! If you are not taking the time to care for your needs and wants, you won’t have the energy to enjoy this special time or others. Self-care is all about learning and maintaining personal standards and boundaries. Let me define the difference between personal standards and boundaries before we go any further.

Standards & Boundaries

Personal standards are self-imposed things you hold yourself to, and boundaries are things you hold to others. For example, you have a standard of self-care that says you wear a seatbelt all the time when in a vehicle. If you insist that others wear their seatbelts, that is a boundary. You want high standards and clearly defined and articulated boundaries
for a fun, meaningful wedding day. Many brides worry about pleasing others. Oh sure, you know this day is supposed to be about you.

However, you are faced with many decisions, and with each decision, each person (family member) will have an opinion. Knowing what you want and being able to communicate that to others will put them more at ease. Your confidence is key. Know what is important and why, and others will comply!

Okay, Moving forward with self-care. We all know the stress of planning a wedding can take the fun out of the experience. You want to stay present in these important moments and enjoy the future memories as you make them.

Mastery of self-care starts with well-defined behaviors that enable you to maintain the
five key areas of your life enabling you to keep your energy up.

The 6 Key Areas of Life

Self-Care • Time • Finances • Thoughts• Relationship • Environment

You might think that self-care is about taking a bubble bath after a long day or making sure you don’t skip breakfast or your workout. But self-care goes way beyond these beneficial activities. Self-care is all about knowing who you are and what you are willing and not willing to do, participate in, or tolerate.

As you move through your marriage and life, this knowledge will save you countless hours of heartache, unnecessary arguing, and, most importantly, your relationships and peace of mind.

Practicing self-care does not come easily to many people, and women seem to suffer the most by feeling these practices will seem selfish. However, nothing could be further from the truth.

The most successful brides understand the importance of putting yourself first, especially when so many details are screaming for your attention, energy, and time. Nurturing yourself first will provide you with the needed strength and motivation to share your best self with your new husband, friends, and family.

Developing a selection of habits that positively affect your well-being will ensure a high-quality and happy wedding day, marriage, and life.

Getting Started

Make a list of your top values, the things most important to you in the Six Key Areas of Health: (Self-care, Time, Finances, Thoughts, Relationships & Environment). Then next to these values list all the ways you can practice “self-care” by defining what behaviors
and practices you recognize as being in alignment with your values. If you are not sure what your values are, then think about the times you were feeling the most happy or proud in relationship to these areas. What were the circumstances? Who were you with?

For example, nature and the environment are high on my list of values. Knowing this about me makes decision-making easier. I will have my guests throw bird seed instead of rice and set boundaries so that wedding guests do the same.

Also, understanding your values builds confidence. Your confidence will help others respect your wishes and adhere to the boundaries you set. Knowing what your
personal standards and boundaries protect all areas of wellness and keep time wasters, energy drains, and spending in balance.

Now that you have a firm grip on what is most important to you, have your mate do the same. Then you can compare your values and establish limits as a couple.
 

What to Do if Someone is Crossing a Boundary?

Now that you know your independent values and have set limits as a couple, you can maintain your integrity by setting high standards and boundaries. It may take several requests to teach people what to expect from you and what you expect from them. It is important to stay consistent and firm. For example, if you have the boundary (and you should!), others may not yell at you or speak rudely; you may need to remind them of this or inform them of your new boundary if it is something new for you.

There are five steps to reinforcing your boundaries with others.

Most people do not intentionally cross your boundaries. Often, they are unaware they exist. First, inform the other of their behavior: “Do you realize you are speaking in a loud voice?” The second step is to let the person know what you want instead of the stated unwanted behavior: “Please use a softer voice.” If the other person continues to ignore your subtle requisites, it is time to step it up with a warning.

The warning must be something you are willing to do and be in line with your personal standards and the boundaries you have set for others. For example, your warning to the person speaking loudly might be, “I will leave the room if you continue to speak so loudly”.

This next step is usually the hardest. You must follow through if the unwanted behavior continues. “Since you are refusing to lower your voice I am walking out of the room. You may join me when you can speak more softly”.

The last is to let go of the outcome. This is my favorite part! Allowing another person to think about what you want and if they are willing to give it is the most beneficial adjustment you can make to any relationship. This will save you a lot of hurt feelings and countless wasted times arguing, relieve stress, and provide open, loving relationships in all areas of your life.

If you follow these steps you can be assured your wedding is a joyous expression of who you really are. Your wedding party is happily enjoying the festivities, families united in peace to join the union of two very special people, at least one of whom has a
powerful toolset of strong personal standards and boundaries.

Now it’s time to enjoy the day, full of energy, power, and positivity!

Needs some help with nailing down your values, communication, and boundaries? I got you girl! Join others who confidently stand in a peaceful presence naturally experiencing respect as they get what they want in life. Click here to learn more or schedule a FREE 15 minute Clarity Call, Click Here